Berlin: revelations

So I figure that once I leave Berlin, I won't have much of an opportunity to blog. Unless I find a cheap internet cafe, which is completely possible. But just in case, I want to update you all on me. I mean, I've told you what I'm doing... But here's the no holds barred truth about me at the moment.

For anyone who really knows my writing, this move will be completely predictable, but I shall open with a quote that has really stuck with me in the past few weeks.

''I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.''
-Charles Schulz

For as long as I can remember, this trip was something I've dreamed of doing. I was 100% certain that I was prepared to be in Europe, on my own, seeing what there was to see. That was my first mistake. I know that I am a social person. I love my family. I love my friends. And I underestimated the difficultly that comes with leaving those you love behind to venture out on your own. I suppose on some level, I knew the homesickness would hit. It was the magnitude of it that I did not expect. You don't realize how much you miss something that you normally take for granted. For me, the biggest thing was being able to see a familiar face. I mean, I was lucky enough to know people in London, but when I hit Bruges, it hit me back. I was alone. 100% on my own. I had no one to turn to. My closest contact was 8 hours away. And I panicked.

Then came obstacle number two. And I think this trumps many things I have found difficult in my life. And what was this monumental battle? I have now lived one entire month under the same roof as my father. For those of you who know me, you understand that this is not something I am comfortable with. I am literally hanging onto the last wisps of my sanity. Mother, I beg of you, as a joke or not, please don't ever compare me to him again. As pissed off as I have always been at him, I figured, ''Hell, I want to make this right. Even though I'm not the one who should be making the effort, I will.'' Easier said than done ladies and gentlemen. Why I thought this would be a good idea, I have no idea. Now, I've heard all the ''devil's advocate'' speeches on this subject, and I will tell you now, my experience in the last month has quashed anything you could possibly say to make me like him. I simply cannot stand having to defend myself at every moment, watching what I say as to not set him off. I am done.

Now, you must understand, my father's (much younger) wife, Frauke, is awesome. We get along really well, and have developed quite the ability to play off each other's brand of humour. That said, I will never fathom why she is with him.

Another thing that really hit me hard is realizing that there is a whole world out there. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a sheltered child. I understood that there were other continents and blah blah blah. What I mean, is that until I set foot in Europe, it had always seemed like this mystical place... It was a fairy tale to me. And now, as I sit in Berlin, the fairy tale has come crashing down to earth. Don't get me wrong, Europe is incredibly different than Canada, but it is just another place. There are still men that shout obscenities at beautiful girls, there are still girls that dress scantily to feel beautiful and there is still a media circuit that plays off of these things to make millions. There are still malls (though fewer, they are beginning to crop up more and more) and there are still fast food restaurants. These are obviously not the only similarities, but they changed my view on things. I kind of had this bizarre belief that North America was influenced by Europe, but the Americanization that see all around me is somewhat surreal. The USA is tightening its grasp on Europe, just as it has on Canada. Now, I'm not going all political, and I have no spat with the USA. These are just observations.

And of course, as it always does in our fine world, my whole trip boils down to money. To say that Europe is expensive is an understatement. I am going to be so incredibly dirt poor when I enter university... Oh lord. Anyways, thank god for my mother otherwise I'd probably be out hawking my belongings in exchange for food. Being a girl definitely has its perks when it comes to buying drinks but that's about all you can pawn off on other people. (I mean, hypothetically you could get a man to buy you more... But I'm not going to get into that.) I figured I was prepared. Wrongo!

Coming into all of this, I thought I knew who I was, and on some level, I did. But there were parts of myself, my humanity that I hadn't ever really noticed. I am breakable. Its something we all underestimate in ourselves. We can be hurt. As much as we deny this fact, it's true. I will admit, as an 18 year old girl, I came here thinking that I would meet some handsome European man and he would sweep me off my feet. Instead, I ended up losing out to a younger girl (odd considering I am most definitely not that old), being hit on by a guy I thought was okay with being my friend and being humiliated by someone I thought I could trust. But these are the things that teach us. And I'm okay. Yes, it hurt, but I am a more aware person because of it. And I know that I am still young. I have my whole life to fall in love and all that. I'll get to that when I'm ready.

I've never felt more vulnerable than in the past two months. Depending on yourself is a learned skill. Don't get me wrong, I've always been independent, but to a point. I always had someone to fall back on. Here, I am completely responsible for anything I do. I have no one to back me up, nothing to grab onto when I'm feeling alone. But that's okay. It's good.

I won't deny, I've seen some amazing and horrifying things. I've met incredible people and done some things that others never will. I won't deny, I'm 18, so partying was high on my priority list for this trip. Realistically, I've hit a few clubs, drank a little too much on a few occasions and thats it. There is so much more to see than the inside of a bar or club. Hey, some of them are pretty damn cool, but so it standing at the foot of a bombed out church that people come from around the world to see.

So to those young people, girls especially, who want to see Europe before school, I say ''Go for it.'' But go cautiously. Expect the unexpected and plan to struggle. It is an incredible experience that I wouldn't trade for the world. But it changed me. Not durastically, but in the subtle ways maybe only I notice.

More to come.

the grand plan.

Okay boys and girls. Here it is.

On March 10th, Sofia Rico and Tanisha Holmes are coming to Berlin to party like rockstars for two days. So, I decided to stay on board and fly out the day after they leave.

That puts us at:
March 12th.
-I am planning to fly from Berlin to Basel, Switzerland to visit Heidi if time and money allow.

March 15th.
-Take a train to Geneva and then fly to Florence, Italy.

March 17th.
-After exploring Florence for a day and a half, I shall grab a bus to the hilltop city of Volterra, Italy, one hour outside Florence.

March 28th.
-Bus it back to Florence.

March 29th.
-Fly from Florence to Dublin, Ireland.

April 3rd. ??
-Fly from Dublin to London, England.

April 4th. ??
-Fly home.

So now, I know that this cuts the trip short by two months, but there are a number of things bringing me home. Seeing as I have never been away from home for more than 2 weeks before, at the two month mark, I am holding up pretty well, but I am ready to see a familiar face again. There is also a siren call. Plus... Mom and I are now offically doing trip to Arizona and New Mexico from April 10th to the 19th. Exciting right!?! Plus, in all honesty, I miss my friends. I miss my family. It'll be good to be home.

Just thought I'd include this picture of my favourite bar manager and bartender EVER! Christian and Lutz.

Warsaw & Oswiecim

Alrighty. This is going to be a long one. So make yourself a nice cup of tea and get comfortable.
I am now back in Berlin after a week-long adventure in Warsaw and Oswiecim, Poland.
Sunday: To start the trip, I took the train from Berlin to Warsaw... Let me paint you this mental picture. Me, on a train, at 6:30am, sick as a dog, for 6 hours... Yummy! It was not pleasant. But, I survived. I was greeted at the train station by Jurek (my father's wife's sister's boyfriend's father) and he took me to my hotel and gave me a basic understanding of the area. I then explored a little bit on my own, went back to my hotel room (which by the way, was fabulous) and crashed. I slept like a rock.
Monday: This was the one and only morning that I slept in. I felt like death. It was extremely crappy. But, I forced myself out of bed and onto the streets of Warsaw. Just a general observation, most of the men I saw, were very... Forward. They are not afraid to tell you what they would like to do to you. This isn't all men... But quite a few. So anyways, I did a fairly in depth exploration of the immediate area of the hotel and train station. That night, I wanted nothing more than to be in bed. So I grabbed a light dinner at a small cafe and turned in early.
Tuesday: I was early to catch my train to Oswiecim at 8. Another wonderful 5 hour train ride later, I was in Oswiecim (commonly known to as Auschwitz). I dropped my bags at the local hostel (in a locker, just to be safe) and went straight to Auschwitz. To say that it was difficult is an extraordinary understatement. The impact of such an experience really is life-changing. I can't accurately express the range of emotions I felt as I walked through. The one thing that really caught me off guard was the lack of respect some people have when they are in such a place. I encountered a group of boys close to my age and they decided it would be funny to imitate the inmates. It made me sick. Of course, the majority of people are very aware of their behaviour in such a place, however, I couldn't get over those boys. So, me being me, I made a few snide remarks on their age / behaviour ratios and went on my way. Being from North America, they understood me perfectly. Now, I would love to be able to say that I took lots of pictures, but something in me was vehemently opposed to doing so. I just don't think that it is appropriate to take pictures of something like that. No image can accurately display the feelings that one gets when Auschwitz. So I apologize. I simply could not do it. After that day, I went back to my hostel, and spent a good deal of the night thinking about human nature and the ability of a person to infilict such suffering onto another. I came to no startling conclusions.
Wednesday: Up early once again. Onto Birkenau... Like Auschwitz, I really don't know what to tell you. There is really no way for me to put into words what it was like. I found myself spending a great deal of time questioning my own personal nature and drive. On some level, all human's have the ability to torture others. The big difference in people is whether or not they choose to use that ability. We are all capable of 'evil' deeds. It is how we choose to deal with this part of us that sets us apart from the monsters of society.
Thursday: After breakfast at a tiny cafe, I hit the train station to go back to Warsaw. Once there, I walked to 'Old Town,' the historic part of Warsaw. Though it was beautiful, I was still in self-examination mode so I didn't really appriciate is as much as I should have. Then it was back to the hotel for some room service and bed.
Friday: Jurek recommended the Polish Rising Museum, so off I trecked. It reminded me a great deal of the Canadian War Museum in Ottawa. The feeling was very similar. It was a nice day.
Saturday: Party day! At breakfast, I met Jolene and Marissa, two oil god's daughters from Calgary. They were doing a shopping day nad invited me along. Needless to say I didn't buy anything, but we had a good time. And that night, where better to celebrate than a Polish go-go club? The tequila was flowing and by the time we made it back to the hotel, it was somewhere around 4am.
Sunday: Tequila aftermath + 6 hour train ride = crappy x10354651684518615468. But, I made it through.
So I am in Berlin, planning my next move.
Oh, and by the way, I just recieved my acceptances from Ottawa. One for a major in criminology and one for a major in psychology. Hm... Now I have to decide...

Berlin: bike tours!

So. It has been three days since my mighty bicycle trip around Berlin... Or is it four? Oh well. The point is, my ass is still sore. I woke up that morning to the wonderfully annoying sound of my cell phone, which just happened to be all the way across the room. Yay! So, upon picking up the wretched little thing, I was invited on a bike tour of Berlin by a friend, Daniel. Now, who could resist? Now, normally, the answer to that question would have been a resounding 'ME!' due to my incredible ability to be a horrid bike rider. But, in the spirit of being adventurous, I said yes. Challenge number 1: Finding Daniel's house. Luckily for me, I didn't get lost. Challenge number 2: Actually riding the bike. Yipee. So, after a slightly iffy start, we were off, weaving through traffic like maniacs, as I watched my life flash second by second before my wind burned eyes. Okay. Maybe thats exaggerating a little, but the traffic was... Scary to say the least. So. We did all the Berlin-ish things one can do... Ate curry-wurst, drank coffee, vistited design stores with all intentions of buying everything and shipping it home to decorate my non-existant apartment... It was great. And tiring. So after dinner, games and a movie, I made the epic journey home (in the rain)... And got hopelessly lost. At 2 in the morning. It was lovely. Anyways, made it back to the apartment and crashed. A good day by most standards.

So tomorrow morning I am off to Warsaw, Poland... I'm making a two day trip to Krakow and Oswiecimto visit Auschwitz-Birkenau... So that'll be intense. I'll keep you updated.

Berlin: pool hall junkies and flea markets

So this Sunday, I ventured to a flea market... Love at first sight. There was some pretty awesome stuff. A lot of junk, but amidst it, some neat little items. I bought a pair of pants that aren't really pants, but... Yeah. Anyways. We had a pretty low key weekend, which was nice.
And last night I ended up spending most of the night in a pool hall (until 2:30 am to be exact) so needless to say I'm a little tired today. I can now say that it is a proven fact that I am terrible at pool. Luckily, I was playing with someone who will only rub my blatant lack of coordination in my face for a short time before moving on.

Berlin: heavy metal?

Sooooo... I have officially attended my very first heavy metal concert. And let me tell you, it was an adventure. Daniel called and asked if I'd like to go so of course, I said yes. I think the reason I said yes was to go in Natalia's honour... (I'm bringing you home my ticket stub dahlin'). We met Nico at a bar before hand and then continued to the ''concert hall.'' The line-up for the night? Cannibal Corpse followed by Children of Bodom. So my only question (that I never actually asked) was: isn't a bodom something you make coffee in? Or is that a bodum?? Hehe. Anyways. I was lucky that Daniel and Nico are both fairly big guys, because when Nico decided it would be a good idea for me to get out in the middle of the mosh pit, they were the only things keeping me from being crushed. So, after one round of that, I decided I was head-banged out and retreated to the back. Now, as a fairly well rounded musical person, I can see the intrigue in the music. It wasn't half bad. Once we left the concert hall (I'm not going to go into specifics) we hit a bar, had a beer and then made our way home. All in all, it was a pretty decent night.

As for travel plans... I have now booked my train tickets to Warsaw and back to Berlin. I'll be there from February 8th to the 15th. I am staying with Paul's sister (who speaks English!!) sp that should be fun. Then I'm thinking I'll do some more travel in Germany or to Switzerland. One step at a time...

Berlin: music ...

So, I have had a lot of time on my hands lately and have therefore been putting it to good use exploring music. It's incredible how many European bands I have never heard of. Well, maybe it's not. I do after all live in Minden. I consider myself fairly musically well rounded, and here I am expanding my horizons. These are the ones that I knew, but didn't really know.

Discovery numero uno: As anyone who knows me can tell you, I am mindly infatuated with Tom Waits. I was familiar with the song Rosy's Arms, however I really never sat down to listen to it carefully. So a few days ago, I rented a French film called Prenom Carmen by Jean-Luc Godard. First off, if you can get your hands on it (it was made in 1983), do it. Secondly, Rosy's Arms plays over a beautiful scene and it caught me off guard as I listened to it. So, when I finished the film, I played it several times. It is painfully beautiful. Even if you aren't a Tom Waits fan, listen to the lyrics.

2: Neil Young. I was a hater. No joke. Couldn't stand him. And then, once again, I actually listened to him. Brilliant. Though The Painter remains my favourite Neil Young song, Ambulance Blues runs a close second. It has obviously taken me years to get past his voice, but it something that grows on you. Never thought I would say that.

Trois: Veedon Fleece & His Band and The Street Choir by Van Morrison. I've always loved Van Morrison. TB Sheets is right up there among my favourite albums ever, but these two albums blew me away. His Band and The Street Choir came out in 1970 and Veedon Fleece in 1974 so both are in his earlier work. I think the one song that stands out the most for me from Veedon Fleece is Linden Arden Stole the Highlights. The story is amazing and only Van Morrison could romanticize something of that gravity.

4: Tracy Chapman baby!! Once again, I've been a Tracy Chapman fan for a long time, but the collection here at the house is phenomenal. She's just epic. There is no other way to descibe her.

5: Classical Music... I've always liked it. But it wasn't until I sat down with Debussy's Collection by Ronan O'Hora. It really is stunning.

So that is the extent of my music review today. Now onto books? Nah. Another day.

Anyways. I am currently organizing my trip to Warsaw. I believe the tickets are to be purchased on Friday. Yay!

sometimes you just have to believe in something...

So I just looked out ''my'' bedroom window... And this is what I saw.

and a magpie's wings; and tie 'em to your shoulders and your feet...

Today was probably the most emotional day so far for me. I ended up visiting Sachsenhausen, a WWII concentration camp just outside of Berlin with Frauke's parents. There are really no words to accurately describe such an experience. But here goes.
I used to believe that the term ''deafening silence'' was a serious cliche... It's amazing the effect one day can have on such beliefs. As you approach the gates holding the infamous saying ''arbeit macht frei'' (work makes you free) you begin to prepare yourself psychologically and emotionally for what you are about to see. But there is no preparation. You step through with the knowledge that thousands took those same steps and would never again see the outside world. To be able to walk so freely in and out feels wrong. Many of the barracks are no longer standing, but as you stand in the open area, you feel so enclosed, so trapped. And the silence. Everyone fears speaking in such a place as there are no appropriate words. And thus the silence encases you. Each step you take, you become fully aware that someone most likely died right where you stand, so you fear standing in one place to long.
There is a weight on your soul in any place like this. I stood before the monument in the centre of the camp and thought to myself, ''Here you are, all of 18 years old. So young and so dumb.'' We all think we are so smart, basking in the glory of how easy our lives have become. But how often does it cross our minds that there is a cost to all this freedom. I stood in front of the clothes of a 16 year old boy. He died there in 1944 because he had no food. And I couldn't help but thinking, ''Maybe he never kissed a girl. Hell, he'll never get to have sex.'' Such trivial things to think, yet look at the emphasis put on such things in today's society. But then it hit me. He died of starvation. It is still happening in our world today. Of course it is not in the same circumstances. But we feel such pity, such grief for those who were forced, so to speak, to stave to death, yet now we let it happen all on it's own because we are simply too lazy to acknowledge it. What the hell does this say about us?

Berlin: more pictures

So, while exploring Berlin, Frauke and I ended up in a fantastic artist village...

In a huge courtyard, every wall you look at has some insane graffiti.

... to all and to all a goodnight. This is on the side of an old bus.

Just some of the cooler stuff on the walls.

A semi-shot of the bar in the village. At night there are bonfires and drinks all around.


The body of an old plane. Apparently it used to be stuck in the ground but it has obviously been extracted.

More graffiti.

My personal favourite just because the shape of the building is already so cool.

Scrap pipes and such. All of this will at some point be turned into sculptures.

Some crazy mechanical graffiti.

The handmade barstools.

A lovely giraffe sculpture that just happens to be eating the tree.
Just a cool building that I saw while wandering.

I have a strange fascination with trees... Obviously.

The most odd tree I have seen thus far.

A van (that still runs) in the village.